Navigating puberty and the many physical changes that come with it isn’t necessarily the easiest or most straightforward part of parenting, even for those who otherwise consider themselves pretty laid back. One mom recently asked on Reddit whether or not she should buy her 9-year-old a training bra, arguing that she doesn’t “need” one right now. But other commenters responded with encouraging, thoughtful answers to her question, explaining why their daughter might feel more comfortable with one.
The mother explained that her fourth-grader “begs” her for a training bra, although she feels she is hesitant to buy one because her daughter has not yet developed breasts. Since her daughter is an only child, “I feel like sometimes she acts more grown-up than she should because she spends a lot of time around adults,” she says. “She’s always asking when she’s going to get her period and other things that she sees me doing.”
“I’m very open with her about any questions and have no problem answering them,” she continues. “I’m just so worried that she’s trying to grow up too fast and that a training bra will reinforce to her that it’s OK to do things sooner than necessary. But maybe that’s no big deal?”
Since some of her daughter’s friends already wear training bras, she wonders if she’s “thinking too much about it” and wanted to get advice from other parents who have already gone through the pre-puberty or early puberty phase.
Commenters reminded the OP that even if she doesn’t feel her daughter “needs” one, she may simply feel more comfortable wearing a bra, especially when changing in gym class or other activities around others.
“In fourth grade, I wanted a bra, but my mom wouldn’t buy me one because I was so flat like normal,” one person shared. “I wanted one because ALL the other girls had one and I felt self-conscious when we got changed for gym class. I’m 37 now and I STILL think about how my mom could have saved me some embarrassment by just buying me a bra. Sports bra. Training bra. Anything would have been better than nothing.”
“My daughter is absolutely skinny and flat and has been wearing training bras for a few months,” added another. “I realized that even though none of her friends are probably going through puberty, they wear them under shirts for sports and dance and my daughter wanted to fit in. It’s still weird to me that she wears them, but if it makes her feel more included, then so be it. She’s also 9 and in 4th grade.”
“I totally agree,” echoed another. “I wasn’t flat at that age and could have used a training bra, but regardless of whether I could have used one or not, all the other girls had one when they got changed for PE and I didn’t and it was VERY embarrassing. I think you’re putting a lot of thought into this.”
Others pointed out that breast development not only makes her feel more comfortable around others, but also causes pain or soreness when it rubs against the fabric of their shirts. A training bra can help ease that pain. And even if the “real” reason is just that she wants to feel more grown up, that’s not wrong either – helping your child feel comfortable in her own skin, however you do it, is always a win for parents.
Thankfully, the OP seems to already be on board. In the comments, she wrote that she has already ordered some training bras for her daughter, adding: “I love my daughter and my most important job is to raise her to be a confident, kind and most importantly happy young woman.” In response to another user, she wrote: “I speak life into her at every opportunity because just like you, I had no one to do that for me.”
