SSchool starts in less than two weeks and I can’t wait to squeeze everything into the time left! I had been planning to spend a “yes” day with my grandchildren since the last day of school in May, but somehow the last few months have flown by. With the new school year just around the corner, I knew it had to be now.
The concept of a “yes” day is simple. The child is allowed to make choices throughout the day, within reason. We don’t get on a plane and fly to Paris for dinner or buy them a new car. There are some common sense guidelines. Every family has different rules, restrictions and limitations. Here are some points I have taken into account.
budget
Give older children a budget for the day so they can make decisions based on their financial means. This can be a good lesson in planning and budgeting. Many fun activities are free or have a minimal cost.
Regulate
Let your kids know up front what rules are non-negotiable, even on a “yes” day. Anything related to safety, like car seats or supervision at the pool, is not up for debate. As a grandparent, it’s important that I respect parents’ rules. I know they’re OK with me breaking some rules, like bedtime and a little junk food.
Hours
I don’t recommend 24 hours. Communicate the time frame in advance. Eight hours seems like a reasonable limit.
activities
Some children may need suggestions, and others, like my grandson, know exactly what they want to do. It might be a good idea to have a list of possibilities. Check out the TulsaKids calendar for ideas.
Be flexible
I like to have a plan and I have a hard time changing course once I’ve made up my mind. Kids change their minds sometimes and that’s OK. My grandson changed his mind several times and I had to mentally pivot. It was his day and I went with the flow.
Our “Yes” day
My “yes” day with Callister started in the evening. He has been staying with us since he was six months old, and at seven years old he still loves spending the night with us. I picked him up after dinner and the “yes” day started with a trip to Braums for a banana split. Between the two of us we ate about a third and took the rest home. He got to choose a TV show and stay up later than usual.
Before bed, he said he wanted to go get breakfast. When he woke up, he decided to take it easy and asked me to make him breakfast. After breakfast, we played Monopoly and Polar Bear Plunge. We hadn’t played board games all summer, so it was fun. Since it was his “yes” day, I was a good loser and went along with all of his crazy, made-up rules for Monopoly. Of course, he won, which was no surprise.
Next up was a trip to Target. Normally, at this point, I would force him to allow me to tame his wild, curly hair. Since it was his “yes” day, I ignored the messy, all-direction curls and let him look like the wild child he wants to be. He chose Legos, and then he and his grandfather worked on the project. Callister chose his (and my) favorite place, the White River Fish Market, where we had a delicious lunch. By this point, he had been with me for about 18 hours, and we were both running out of steam. He was ready to go home, and I was ready to take a nap.
The value of a “yes” day
My conclusion of the day is that it wasn’t so important what we did. What mattered was the time alone, when he felt like he was in control and he was the center of all my attention. I was careful not to look at my phone or get distracted, which was challenging for me at times. I focused on listening to him and was rewarded when he opened up and spoke more deeply than usual. He talked about friendships and some worries he has about the upcoming school year. I followed his lead and just listened because it seemed to be what he needed. We have a close relationship, but on his “yes” day, I felt like we bonded even more than usual.
On the surface, a yes day sounds like a way to spoil a child, and that’s not entirely wrong, but I think it goes deeper than that. It’s about making a child feel important, heard, and loved. Who doesn’t want that? Callister told his mom he had a great yes day, and I feel honored to have spent it with him. I got a few more cuddles and hugs than usual, so that was a welcome bonus! Next week it’s his little sister’s turn, and I’m excited to see what her yes day will be like. The only question I have is, “When is my yes day?”
