“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” As I grew up, this phrase found its way onto the posters in my public school classrooms and shaped the way adults encouraged me and other children to behave and get along. Echoes of these words can be found in many religions and cultures, perhaps phrased slightly differently or with a different connotation, but still with the same result. For Christians, the phrase derives from Jesus’ call to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).

It’s a beautiful thought, but one that also presents a challenge. The problem is that even if you love another person as yourself, that doesn’t necessarily mean the other person will do the same in return. I remember the words even becoming a somewhat snarky retort when my brother and I would argue over little things, like who got to read the next Harry Potter book first. I would say how much I wanted to read the book and that I should read it first since I bought the book at the store. In response, he would simply remind me to treat others as I wanted to be treated in order to convince me to let him read the book first. A silly example, but one that reflects the dynamic between Christianity and the larger world. Sometimes the mere fact that a Christian strives to live out that teaching leads to others manipulating him. And that brings me to one of the great challenges of Christianity: forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not an easy task. The idea that a person should choose to let go of their resentment or anger toward a person or being who has wronged is a weighty definition. As humans, we desire justice when we are wronged. Some will applaud forgiveness as a healthy act, while others will claim it is an overrated or overly ideological act. Often times, people interpret forgiveness as self-righteousness on the part of the forgiver. But in the context of Christianity, forgiveness offers a way out of a cycle of anger and resentment. For the Christian, the concept of forgiveness is based on both the need to forgive and the need to be forgiven. Why is this challenging?

The controversy that arose around the Olympics opening ceremony has made me more aware than ever of how difficult it is to forgive. As with any controversial issue, people flocked to social media and responded with increasingly violent reactions, trying to figure out whether others were justified in feeling offended or explaining why compassion was impossible in the face of all the controversy. People began to call those who felt offended ridiculous and uneducated, while at the same time, offended people began to attack others with hateful language.

On the one hand, we don’t like to admit our own mistakes, and on the other, we justify ourselves by believing that others don’t deserve our forgiveness. At the heart of this dilemma is individual self-righteousness. The lack of filters on social media only exacerbates conflict, and forgiveness as a response disappears. But forgiveness is at the core of Christianity, as seen in Jesus dying on the cross for all sins. And as a follower, a Christian is called to follow these acts of forgiveness.

Certainly, forgiving is not easy, but the idea of ​​letting go is liberating. When anger no longer motivates, a person’s response becomes more logical and it is easier to listen to others. When we do not hold on to resentment toward an institution or a group of people, we become kinder and more accepting of those who are different from us.

In Jesus’ example, forgiveness even seems painful; as an agonizing death, crucifixion was not an easy way to forgive sins. But with the pain comes the joy of resurrection. With the pain of forgiveness comes the joy of freedom.

Michelle Budraka is Director of Training and Communication at the

Co-Cathedral of Saint John the Evangelist

in Rochester.