I love a good quiz show. Pointless, The Weakest Link, Mastermind, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Big Fat Quiz of the Year. I enjoy sitting at home, quiet and content, smugly answering questions that the people on my screen don’t know.

When I was asked if I wanted to take part in The Hit List, the music game show hosted by Rochelle and Marvin Humes, I said an enthusiastic yes. Of course, I had never actually sat down to watch the show, but with my competitive spirit and my endless knowledge watching from the comfort of my sofa, it can’t be difficult.

The music quiz format for the first round sees contestants pair up in teams of two. They must press the buzzer and call out the name and artist as soon as they recognise the tune being played to earn points and move on to the next round. The winning team ultimately has the chance to win up to £10,000.

The music can be from the latest charts, the 70s, 80s, 90s, musicals, Disney, you know. It’s the dream show for families to watch together, with young and old alike able to show off their musical skills.

On the five-hour train ride from London to Glasgow, where the series is filmed at the BBC studios, I sat down and watched a few episodes from start to finish. I was awful.

As it turns out, my brain doesn’t process information quickly. While I was making the links to the name of the song and the band, the contestants on my screen were already halfway through the game. As the train sped on, my blind faith was replaced by the absolute certainty that I wasn’t going to win – but who knows, right?

Maybe the songs would be in my favor. Maybe the category would be “Emmys Spotify Unwrapped Playlist 2023”, maybe…

Arriving at the BBC studios in Glasgow with a group of journalists, we were split into teams of two to take part in the show – with no real money involved, of course. My partner was Jordan, a friendly colleague with a penchant for 80s music.

“I’m going to be terrible,” I tell him.

“Me too,” he replies happily.

After being fitted with microphones, we were taken to the studio, which was much cooler than I had imagined. I thought it would be a lot of the magic of television, and that we would be in a tiny room with green screens onto which all the disco lighting and imagery from the show would be projected in post-production – but we were actually in a huge studio with a shiny black floor, cameras attached to scaffolding panning over the action, and lots of important-looking people with big headsets milling around doing their bit for the show.

It was just thrilling to see my name emblazoned on one of the quiz podiums and we all had a blast taking turns having our photo taken on the spot before our phones were put in phone jail so we didn’t have to rely on Shazam for help with our completely fake game.

And just like that, an even more beautiful couple in real life and co-hosts Marvin and Rochelle Humes arrive and say hello to us all.

© Scott Garfitt/Shutterstock

“Hi, Emmy, are you okay?” Marvin asks me. “I’m really fed up, Marvin!” I answer.

We play the first round of the game, where three couples press their buzzer and call out the name and artist of the song. It turns out that Jordan and I were completely honest with each other when we promised that we would be bad at it. We are terrible.

After missing Diamonds by Rihanna, What’s Up by the 4 Non Blondes, and Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus, I started to question everything. Why was I so bad at this? How could the journalist next to us press the bell button so quickly? Why was Miley wearing a cardigan when she got off the plane at LAX?

© Karwai Tang

I told myself I would push that button no matter what song came next. The melody starts and I vaguely realize I might know what it is. It’s Britney! I push the button. Marvin and Rochelle turn their beautiful eyes on me. Jordan looks and dares to hope.

“Britney Spears!” I start. But all I can think of is, “Because I love dancing, yeah.” So I say, “Dancing? Dancing? I don’t know! Dancing?”

© NAOMI VANCE PHOTOGRAPHY

Reader, it was not “dance.”

Jordan whispers: “Slave! Slave!”

“I AM A SLAVE TO YOU,” I scream at Rochelle and Marvin, pointing at them, my mouth also falling open from stress. They are stunned. It took about 20 seconds, but I get my team a point (after all, it’s not real and no one is punishing me for repeating “Dance” like a broken Britney doll). Unfortunately, we have no idea about the bonus song (Pharrell), and Jordan and I come in last place among the three groups of contestants, giggling.

“But we hope you had fun, guys!” Rochelle says kindly. I certainly did, but believe me when I say that if I ever get the chance to be on a quiz show again, or team up with some radio DJ, I’ll do my homework.