A key part of growing up is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are actually real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these hard truths can dampen our spirits and make us feel like the world is a little colder.
The understanding of some the hard lessons of life opens us to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles that hold us back.
Hard truths help us recognize when relationships are not as good as they could be. They also prevent us from having too much trust in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest and good.
A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths will make your life better the sooner you accept them?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them revolved around hard truths about relationships and the fact that even when we do our best in life, we can still end up losing out.
The key is to keep going and never be discouraged by failure.
Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that have made a real difference in people’s lives.
1. Stop comparing yourself
“There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or richer than you. Do your best, live without regrets, show compassion and kindness, give when you can and expect nothing in return. Focus more on the value of your heart than on what others have.”
“Comparisons are the thief of joy.”
2. Some people won’t like you
“They can be the sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don’t like peaches.”
“There is a saying in Spanish: ‘Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo’, which means: No one is a gold coin that everyone else likes/desires.”
3. Things are just things
“They have no feelings. They don’t care if you give them away, sell them or throw them away. If something is useful, keep it. If not, throw it away.”
Psychologists refer to the perception that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphization. According to Psych Central, people project feelings onto objects to form a deeper relationship with them. “People generally anthropomorphize to understand events and behaviors they experience. Moreover, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something,” writes Sarah Barkley in a doctoral-reviewed paper.
4. Not all friendships last
“Surprisingly, however, the ones that endure are not necessarily the best (or even the good).”
“I’ve found that most friendships are based on convenience. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance are more likely to end a friendship than disagreements.”
5. You could be the bad guy
“You can do your best for someone and still be the villain in their story.”
“One of my current favorite memes is: I don’t care if I’m the villain in your story, you’re the clown in mine.”
6. You can’t change people
“You can only help people who really want it. If they aren’t willing to change or make an effort, there’s not much you can do. If you realize this, you can save yourself a lot of frustration and focus on people who really appreciate your help.”
“It’s always hard to have friends like that who constantly complain but do nothing to address the problem. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. There’s no point in offering help to someone who hasn’t asked for it. Similar to how it’s really hard to teach someone who has no interest in being taught.”
7. How we judge
“We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions.”
“In psychology, this is called a fundamental attribution error.”
The fundamental attribution error is a psychological phenomenon in which we assume that a person’s actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It’s like blaming a person’s driving skills rather than the curvy road for an accident.
8. Dependent on people
“Once you’re an adult, there’s no one you can rely on 100% except yourself. There will still be people in your life you can lean on, but everyone has their limits as to how they can help you.”
9. Nice does not always mean good
“Nice people are not always good people.”
“One of my bosses doesn’t say hello or make small talk and is known to be quite strict. He was the most helpful during my most difficult time when I was dealing with a tragedy. Some people with this personality type just get things done when they need to be done without blabbing.”
10. Everything is temporary
“You can suddenly lose everything and everyone at any time… and maybe all at once or in rapid succession without much warning.”
11. Nobody thinks about you
“In general, people in the real world don’t notice you. You’re not even a blip on their radar. If you feel insecure about the way you dress or look, remember: nobody cares.”
12. No one will come to save you
“Nobody is coming to save you, so you have to do everything yourself.”
“And once you have internalized and implemented this, your self-esteem will increase immeasurably.”
13. Nobody knows what he is doing
“Before I graduated from high school, I thought, ‘Thank God, I’m finally going to stop dealing with annoying, obnoxious kids and be treated like an adult.’ But then it turns out that 95% of adults are worse than the kids themselves. Nobody knows what they’re really doing and life is actually a big joke.”
14. Love is reciprocal
“If a romantic interest doesn’t give you the same attention/respect that you give them, then they’re not really interested in you or want you, and if you keep telling yourself otherwise, you’re going to experience a lot of pain.”
15. Who is good for you?
“People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and fun despite all your differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, depressed, hurt, judged, and never check in with you when you are not well, and never even bother to notice when you are not well. Sincere people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative feelings and thoughts.”
