Susan Winter and Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario talk to PEOPLE about when it’s time to give a romantic relationship another chance

According to relationship experts, sometimes getting back together with your ex can be a good idea – but sometimes it can’t.

Susan Winter and Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario, both relationship coaches, tell PEOPLE that there are reasons why giving a relationship a second try might work.

“Reviewing the relationship makes sense when there have been positive changes for both partners. Examples of this would be an addiction that has been addressed, poor communication patterns that have been corrected, or therapy that has led to a healthy transformation,” says Winter.

She also notes that a “hasty” separation should be “considered,” as should a separation when “one or both partners have achieved a clearer understanding of themselves and can now break free from the need to blame the partner for things that are their personal responsibility.”

Del Rosario adds, “If both parties are willing to do the work and put the past behind them, sometimes things can be even better the second time around.”

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However, according to Del Rosario, there are many reasons why reconciliation is not advisable for some couples. She explains: “Ex-partners should never get back together if there has been abuse, whether it is physical, emotional or financial. You don’t leave danger to rekindle it.”

“Ex-partners who also broke up because a non-negotiable goal was not achieved or violated should not rekindle the relationship,” she continues. “There is no resolution or compromise for the non-negotiable, and they will not experience relationship happiness and will break up again.”

Winter expresses similar sentiments, explaining, “Financial, sexual and emotional infidelity cannot form the basis of a healthy relationship. If your partner has repeatedly disappointed you, promised to do better, and you end up still in the same place, you know it’s time to walk away.”

“It’s not a good idea to get back together if you’re caught in a negative loop. When the patterns within a relationship remain the same and you’re on autopilot, doing the same damage over and over again, it’s time to end the relationship for good,” adds Winter.

Winter and Del Rosario both warn against former lovers getting back together for reasons such as having children.

“If the relationship was toxic, it’s better for the children to stay apart than to get back together. Children learn as much, if not more, from what we do and show them than from what we tell them,” says Del Rosario. “If their parents engage in unhealthy behavior in the relationship, continuing that behavior will teach them that the dysfunction they grew up with is normal, even though it isn’t.”

Both experts also warn against reuniting for financial reasons. Winter states: “Reuniting for ‘financial reasons’ is not serious. It is a strategy,” notes Del Rosario. “Finances are a major cause of conflict and the decision to get back together for this already crucial reason in a relationship will cause enormous stress and turmoil.”

“It is better to team up with a friend and share the expenses to reduce the financial burden,” adds Del Rosario.

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Del Rosario and Winter both emphasize that couples who actively work on their personal development can also improve their relationship and determine if there is a possible path forward.

“Couples must confront the issues that separated them in the first place,” says Winter. “If these issues are not addressed, corrected and transformed, there is no hope of surviving a second time.”

“Learning to effectively handle disagreements, enter into negotiations, listen and support each other is essential to the survival of a relationship,” she adds.

Del Rosario, meanwhile, believes therapy can play a big role in helping lovers find their way forward. “They need to really confront the issue or issues that drove them apart in the first place and seek the advice of a relationship therapist or coach. The therapist can help the couple create a working plan to get to the root of the conflict so they’re treating the disease rather than the symptoms,” she says.

“However, both partners must forgive each other and let the past be. You can carry the old with you while you move on to the new,” notes Del Rosario.

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