Dear Annie, I have a 90-year-old neighbor. Her only caregiver was her adult son, who died last week after a long battle with opioid addiction. Since then, myself and another neighbor have been checking on her several times a day as she requires a lot of care. We have grocery shopped for her, picked up medications, and run errands. Additionally, we have started a meal train with other neighbors down the street. The problem is what to do long-term. She requires a high level of care as she is disabled and cannot easily move around the house on her own. In fact, she was released from the hospital just days before her son died after a four-week hospital stay. I have contacted social services several times, but they have not shown up yet. I believe she is extremely at risk of falls. Do you know of any options?
She has no other family nearby. Her only living relatives are on the opposite coast and in their 80s. We don’t know what to do, but it feels like an emergency.
– Worried about my neighbor
Dear Scared: What a tragic situation. I feel sorry for this woman. Would it be possible for her to return to the hospital in the short term until she has home care? It is dangerous for her to be alone now and she has no one to stay with her. This is an emergency that warrants hospitalization.
Then help her make a long-term plan. If she has Medicare, she should be eligible for some home care services. Medicare does not cover 24-hour care at home, only part-time care for up to 28 hours per week. (See https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/home-health-services for more information.) From what you said, it sounds like she may need 24-hour care at this point. If she has Original Medicare, that would cover a 100-day stay in a nursing facility. You could ask her if she will authorize you to speak with her healthcare providers so you can help her make an informed decision. I wish her the best and commend you for lending her a hand in a time of need. The world needs more neighbors like you. Dear Annie: I don’t think your advice went far enough when you responded to “Am I Wrong,” the man whose father-in-law constantly attacks him about his children’s religious upbringing and other issues. He was ready to divorce his wife because her father-in-law had treated her poorly. You basically encouraged him to be patient with his wife and not hold her accountable for her father’s behavior. I disagree. His wife should have stood up to her parents years ago. She should have said, “Mom, Dad, I love you, but if you keep making disparaging comments about my husband or me, you’re going to see us A LOT less often. Am I clear?” That’s it. Spot on. At this point, the letter writer and his wife need to work with a licensed marriage and family therapist to learn how to present a united front with their parents.
— Debbie
Dear Debbie, this couple would benefit from marriage counseling as their father-in-law has saddled them with a lot of baggage over the years that they need to get rid of if they are to live happily together. Thank you for the message.
How to Forgive My Cheating Partner is now available! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring popular columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at [email protected].
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