Dear Abby: My husband has been retired for five years and no longer works for the police. I cannot retire because I am self-employed. I have always been the one who has had to take time off for the last 15 years to care for him during his back and hip surgeries, his mother, his father and my mother. I also looked after his children during weekend visits.

He has spent his retirement in chronic pain, staying in bed until 11 a.m., and has reconnected with his girlfriends from high school and college, all of whom have cheated on him or stolen from him, breaking his heart. One of them was convicted of stealing from a charity event.
At first he promised to give up on these women, but for the last three years he has lied to me about having contact with them. He says he doesn’t have to give them up because “they were an important part of his life.” Abby, they gave him STDs and left him while I was foolishly loyal and faithful.

I know he probably has PTSD and anger issues from being mean to me. But I was so looking forward to having a “real” marriage once the stress of his job is over. He packs up and leaves every now and then, but he comes back after a few hours. He confides in these women and they talk badly about me because of his lies. I don’t want their energy in my marriage. What can I do? – Confused in California

Dear Bewildered: Consult a lawyer. And then finally come to the fore with a tough argument. Tell your husband that you are appalled by his ingratitude after all the years of love and care you have given him, and that he will spend his retirement without you unless he agrees to marriage counseling.
And while you’re at it, tell him that his emotional affairs (if nothing else) with women who have abused him are sick and that you will no longer tolerate his constant lies about it. Then prepare to leave because he’s unlikely to change and you deserve much better.

Dear Abby: I live in a small, semi-rural neighborhood. My neighbors have not disciplined their children and now they are teenagers. Six months ago I caught the younger one trying to climb my chain link fence and last year the gate to the fence to my front yard. This morning I was mowing my lawn on their side of my house and saw a decorative piece of my post lying on the ground.

They are generally good neighbors. They get along well with my dog ​​and I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Should I tell the parents something, knowing I don’t have video, or should I confront their son, or neither? — Concerned teen in the South

Dear affected teenagers: Don’t ignore this in the hope that it will go away on its own. Your fence post is now damaged and needs to be repaired. First, talk to the guy who did it. Tell him you’ve always liked him and are disappointed in his poor judgment.

Ask him how he plans to make things right. (He might “work it off” by watering your lawn, walking your dog, etc., for a set amount of time.) However, if he’s disrespectful, it’s time to talk to his parents.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.