Machine Gun Kelly recently opened up about his turbulent childhood and the life-changing moments his father went through. The rapper and singer, born Colson Baker, also shared how these experiences were a driving force behind his passion for music.

In a recent interview with Bunnie XO for the “Dumb Blonde” podcast, released on August 5, MGK talked about some of the early trauma his late father endured and how it impacted his parenting. “As a kid, I was always so mad at him because if I scared him or he heard a loud bang or a loud noise, he would freak out, like, really freak out,” Kelly said.

He remembered thinking at the time, ‘You’re supposed to be a man, dude. Why are you acting like that?’ I just hated him. And then you sit there and think about a boy who was on trial for murdering his father at the age of nine.”

In the presence of MGK’s father and grandmother, he clarified that his grandfather dropped a gun and his head was “essentially blown off.” The shotgun was found under the bed by police. After the trial, his father and grandmother were ultimately found not guilty. The 34-year-old rapper revealed that his grandfather suffered from split personality disorder and that “schizophrenia is very common in that part of the family.”

“I took on so many things and I think I portrayed myself as someone who had the endurance to endure all of these things that come with fame and criticism and hate,” the Blood Valentine singer said. Since, as MGK explained, he always wanted his father to be tough, “shake it all off” and just fight anyone who attacked him, he also battled “all of these traumas.” He added, “I never understood why he was so closed off. But dude, I’m tired and I’m a really shy, broken kid inside and really broken.”

MGK grew up as the son of Christian missionaries, and his family lived in Germany, Egypt, Kenya, and Texas until his teens. His father passed away in July 2020. The rapper hopes he can break the cycle of generational trauma in his lifetime. “Every medium I’ve spoken to says there’s a generational curse on all the men in my family that they’re going to die alone, and they all died alone. I’m seventh generation, which means I should be able to break the curse,” he said.

He also explained the numerological significance of his birth date, which is the 22nd, a “master number” that “breaks a curse.” He said: “So I hope I do my best in this life and master what I’m meant to do. It’s a very difficult path that I’m on right now.”

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