Machine Gun Kelly spoke about the complex relationship with his father – who was on trial for the murder of his own father when he was nine years old – and the impact this has had on his life.

In a new episode of Stupid blonde Podcast, the 34-year-old singer-songwriter and rapper, real name Colson Baker, spoke openly about his childhood and how it influenced his music.

Baker was born in Houston, Texas to Christian missionary parents. As a child, his family lived in various countries, including Kenya, Germany and Egypt.

“In my situation with my dad, he was tormented by the worst shit I think a kid can go through,” he told host Bunnie XO (wife of country star Jelly Roll), adding that his mother is of Norwegian descent, which makes her “very stoic.”

“The emotional side of things, I got it from my father, who was very, you know, very open,” he explained. “His depression was very obvious; his need for love was very (obvious). I wish I could have told him before he died that I was really inspired by his emotionality. In hindsight, I thought that was very cool because I’m very emotional too.”

The father of the “sun to me” artist died on July 5, 2020.

“My father’s childhood experience definitely impacted mine because we were in the same bed for years,” Baker said.

“You know, the years when my dad was sleeping depressed, I took all of that on myself,” he continued. “As a kid, I was always so mad at him because if I scared him or he heard a loud bang, he would freak out – really freak out – and I would say, ‘You’re supposed to be a man, dude. Why are you acting like that?’ and that made me hate him.

“And then you sit there and think of a boy who was on trial for the murder of his father at the age of nine and knows that the police found the shotgun under the bed.

“The story I was always told was that their father dropped the gun and his head was basically blown off,” he recalled. “It all happened in my father’s room when he was nine years old. So he and my grandmother were charged with murder. They were both acquitted.”

Colson said the traumatic event left his father with a split personality.

“I’ve been through so much, man,” he said. “And I think I’ve portrayed myself as someone who has the resilience to endure all that comes with fame and criticism and hate because I’ve fought back against all that trauma by becoming what I always wanted my father to be, which was hard, and shaking it all off and fighting anyone that comes at you.”

“I was a really shy, broken kid inside and really broken,” he added. “I’m in the process of fixing myself and I don’t have the energy to be the image that I was because I’m also kind of sick of being on an island by myself, away from my fans who can really read into the music. As far as my public persona goes, I’m really, really sick of being what they think I am.”

Colson, who split from actress Megan Fox earlier this year, recently released his latest single, “Lonely Road (with Jelly Roll).”

“I grew up telling the story of a lower-middle-class family and a relationship that’s struggling,” he said of the track’s message. “So it felt right to do it on a song that everyone keeps telling me is a hit.”